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Esther Perel

Conformation Bias
Organize reality
gives order
a sense that I know what's true
and even if what true sucks
still prefer to think that that is what's true because at least it organizes my reality

Don't think that you can set the standards for what it is worth getting upset about

Don't waste time convincing that shouldn't be upset - already is
Simply say - I totally know you hate this
No justifications
No explanations
Give space for their anger
Say sorry
Can't promise it won't happen again
Understand that they think it means (some reality that would be untrue in my thoughts) and let them have the space and stay connected

Never - always pseudo-factual talk
Becomes factual as if it is really the case
but is really an intensification of someone's experience
Say instead - It feels like you (whatever they do)

Don't think your experience is the reality or the truth
It is the truth of your experience but not necessarily the truth of what happened


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